Pray for Tammy!

An extra 25 nasaras came to Béré for the celebration of the new nursing school. There were already 35 nasaras from Maranatha here because they were building the school. 55 people made things a little to hectic, not to mention that I was sick with malaria during this time.  We had cleaned the compound from top to bottom and run back and forth to decorate everything. The most important people in Béré were coming to this celebration and we had to ensure everything was in its right place.

Tammy was on edge. Charis and I were sitting in her house tying ribbons on the balloons as she let off some steam. Maranatha was hard to deal with, but what set her over the top was the Adventist school. After all the blood sweat and tears she has put into the school, some of the teachers want to sue her.  

She had accused the former principle of secondary school and one other person of stealing. Tammy says she knows she was right, without a shadow of a doubt. There was 600,000cfa ($1,200) missing from the school account and there were only two men that were in charge of, and had access to the money. She even had a Chadian auditor from N'Djamena come to look over the accounts. He came to the same conclusion. The former principle was demoted, but he received the same salary he had before. It was like he was being rewarded! He had less work to do and he was getting the salary of a principle. The school was practically paying for two principals. 

In short the former principal is suing Tammy for slandering his name and the principal of the primary school is suing too! It is very surprising that the primary principal is suing Tammy as well. Tammy has invested a lot into his career and personal life. She paid for him to leave Béré to finish his schooling, and he was able to keep his job after the long absence. She has also loaned him money when he went through a rough patch and needed the loan. It makes no sense why he is suing, but it really hurts Tammy.

When I first came to Béré Tammy had stepped back from the school. She made a deal with God. If no one came to her and talked to her about the school then she wouldn't return to her position. Even after a close friend said she would talk to the school faculty about not talking to her no one came. However, Tammy still went back. A close family friend Valery had returned to work at the school. She thought that maybe God wanted her to wait for him to return so she would have a friend in the schooling system.  

Currently, Tammy is feeling like she should have never returned to the school. She wouldn't be going through all of this craziness if she hadn't returned. She is thinking of stepping back from the school once again. When she agreed to return to the schools he made demands that had to be met. One was to take the secondary principal out of his position and another was to get a Bible teacher.  The school demoted the principal, but never got the Bible teacher.  How can the school call itself an Adventist school without teaching Bible or a religion class in general? This school is just like any other school: very corrupt and doesn't teach anything spiritual.

It would be easy for Tammy to step back because her demands were never met. However, she wants to do what the Lord wants her to do. Her heart is with the school. She hates the drama, but loves helping the children.  The children are who keep her motivated to continue to better the schooling system.  She is at the point where she will step back if she needs too, but she wants to ensure that is what God wants.  She is having trouble deciphering God's will and doesn't know what to do. Please pray for her.  

Question

The struggles, suffering, and strife continue in my life. I have had many good moments, such as Zach and Danae's birthday parties, or times that have positively impacted my life; like meeting a guy who survived the vicious war 30 years ago in Tchad AND leoparsy. But, for the most part, I feel like my fire for God has greatly diminished. Typically I have a lot to say about God or life in general. However, currently I struggle to find the right words to say. I usually struggle writing blogs and now I can't think of topics to write about on top of not wanting to write. 

Things have taken place at home (in America), which I had no power to prevent, but I wasn't able to be there for my family either.  I know they don't hold it against me but . . . sigh . . . I don't even know where I am going with this. Let's be real, this isn't even the point of this blog. I have been trying not to dwell on the negatives. As Ellen G. White says, "In this world we might become hopelessly perplexed, as the devil wants us to be, if we keep looking upon those things that are perplexing; for by dwelling upon them, and talking of them, we become discouraged." Therefore, I'm not going to blog about the many things that have been perplexing me. 

The point of this blog is to ask a question. How can you tell you are on the path God wants you to be on and  are therefore being attacked by Satan, or if you are completely off track and the hardships you face are the repercussions of your bad choice(s)? Between Tammy's questions due to her struggles and my personal strife this seems to be the underlying problem. We don't know which path we are on. 

I realize you have to know God's will to truly know the answer to that question. That is easier said then done. I read Paster Rich's devotional this past week based on Romans 12. If we follow the guidelines in that chapter we will be more like Christ and therefore know His will. It is like a checklist with around 30 points that need to be checked off. 

I feel like I have been trying to do that. I have even made progress, however, I haven't check off the whole list yet. So, what do you do before you get to the point where you know God's will? Prayer and fasting? Even after diligent prayer I'm unsure of His will. 

I know this is a depressing blog, but I can't find the answer that I am looking for. Let's be real, I need all the help I can get. I have tried many things and feel I have found a piece of the answer.  But I want to know the whole answer. All I know is the place God calls us to is the place where your deep gladness and the world's deep hunger meet. I just need to keep striving for my goals, and the answers I desperately need. Patient continuance is indispensable to success. These are the only thoughts that keep me going. If you have better thoughts or answers please comment or email me. 

Donate to Naomi's Yeast Infection Clinic!

If you remember I wrote a blog about Naomi and her story a little before Christmas.  I spoke of how she is a devoted Christian and has many dreams. One of her dreams is continuing and expanding her yeast infection clinic. I decided to help make her dreams a reality by coaching her on how to create and run a business plan and asking for donations.  I am praying big.  I hope that we will be able to raise $160 for the yeast infection clinic. The money will help get the yeast infection clinic back on its feet and ensure that it will have a substantial cash flow. (If you want to read about how the business flopped or about Naomi's story in general go read Naomi's Story). 

Anyways, after hours using sluggish internet, and the help of my awesome roommate, Elena, I was able to put a donation button on my blog. Well, I wouldn't call it a button; it is more like a link. If you look to the right side of the blog you'll read "Donate to Naomi's Fund!" above a white box. The picture for PayPal won't show up, but if you click that white area below the words, it will take you directly to the donation page. Talk about easy! From there you can enter the amount of money you want to donate to the clinic. The money will automatically come to the account I set up in Tchad for Naomi and you'll put us one step closer to the making her dream a reality! This strong woman of God needs your help. Back in the United States, we would easily drop $100 on a pair of fancy shoes or a dress. All I am asking for is that you would listen to God's prompting and give as you are able. If only 16 people gave $10 we'd be set! Read Naomi's story, and be a part of our work here, from wherever you are today.

Thank you!

My Week of Torture

Now the doctors aren't sure if I have malaria or another parasite. Let me start from the beginning of my sickness to explain. It all started with me being really cold and a little achy. Two hours later I had severe body aches, tenderness, chills, a headache, and was very fatigued. 

It was miserable. I just laid in my hammock trying to sleep it off, but I knew it was malaria. I finally got the energy up to go get tested. The results were negative! So, I texted Olen and asked him what other sickness causes you to have those symptoms.

I was told that only malaria has that cocktail of misery and was prescribed quinine. I took the pills that afternoon and hoped for the best.  By 7:30 pm my stomach was churning. I went to my hut early because I wanted to sleep off the sickness. 

At 10 pm I woke with a start. I had to use the squat pot (restroom) very badly. Upon arrival it was like Niagara Falls was coming out of my butt! After that fiasco I was able to go back to sleep. To bad 30 minutes later I was running to the squat pot again. I was running back and forth until 12:30 am. By the end of the water works I couldn't walk straight. I collapsed on my bed and slept the rest of the night. 

By morning I felt like I had the weight of the world on my shoulders and no appetite. I ate enough to take quinine and barely made it through the day. This night was the same as the last. I was running sprints to the bathroom. All I wanted to do was lay down next to the squat pot. Don't worry I didn't lay on the floor. I was cognitive enough to think of the many other disease I could get from the ground. I laid on the floor in my hut and prayed that God would stop the mudslides. 

I felt even worse in the morning. I didn't even have enough energy to get into the hammock. I laid on a hard wooden bench and texted Olen. I asked him if waterfalls gushing out of your butt was a normal side effect of quinine. He told me that it was probably amoebas or some other parasite making my life miserable. He told me to poop on a mango leaf and bring it to the lab. He would get the results and let me know what I had. 

I had the leaf sitting next to the toilet ready for action, but it never got the action it deserved. It withered and died because I had performance anxiety . . . or so I thought. Instead of having severe diarrhea I was extremely constipated. 

I don't understand how it happened. I wasn't eating, so I shouldn't have had anything to poop out, right? Well, I was constipated for three days until things normalized. I explained to Olen why I didn't take the test and he was baffled too. He said that the diarrhea would probably come back and I could get tested then. 

In the end I had two torturous nights of diarrhea, three days of constipation, I went seven days without eating (or eating very little), and suffered seven days with the side effects of quinine. My ears were ringing, I was nauseous . . . I had every single side effect possible.  To make matters worse we had 55 nasaras visiting the hospital. Maranatha came to build the nursing school and then Adventist Health Institute (AHI) and other people came for the "cutting of the ribbon". 

That meant even though I was sick I had to help set up and clean for the nasaras, and I had to deal with the loud noises of the crowd in my ringing ears. The most important people in Bere came to the party too, which meant I had to deal with my molester and other really annoying government officials. I chose the best and the worst week to get sick. I got out of a lot of work, but had to do and deal with a lot of things that wouldn't have annoyed me if I was well. 

Anyway, I had a torturous week both mentally and physically. However, the week did end on a good note. I got the Christmas package from Union! It was full of letters and wonderful gifts that cheered me up. Vernee even decorated the box for me. That made my week so much better. Thanks guys!

Suffocated

***WARNING***: This blog post is mostly filled with my complaints. I have been having a hard time lately and need to vent. The twig has finally broken the camel's back. There is a spiritual hint to it and a short update on my health, but truthfully I am releasing all of my feeling into this blog post. It is better to let it out then keep it in, right?

I know I blogged earlier about being unable to get away. There are people everywhere. I never seem to get my much needed alone time.  Well, now there is a new SM here named Jonny.  He is a really nice guy, but now, the SM hut seems to have significantly shrunk. Because their houses are so far away, all the guys have most of their stuff in the SM hut. This is understandable, however, this one-roomed hut can only hold so much "stuff" before it becomes too much.

I have tried to leave anything and everything I can at my hut. My backpack, jacket, and towel are my only possessions in the SM hut; I hardly take up space. (Ok, I do have a box of food there too, but we use the box as a chair. Since it is used as furniture, I didn't count among the stuff of "mine" that is taking up space).

Between the lack of space and the excess of testosterone I am at my wit's end. I am use to hanging out with a bunch of guys, but at the end of the day I usually return to a building full of girls (the dorm). Even in that building full of girls, I am still able to have my alone time. Yes, here I am accepted and treated like one of the guys, but I'm still a girl! Ok, true, I'm not the most girly-girl around, however, I miss doing and talking about girl things. (I never thought I would admit something like that).

Maybe I wouldn't miss girly things so much if I had time to be a girl by myself. I am being suffocated. I can't go to the SM hut because all the SM's are there. I can't go to the pavilion because the worker's children are there. I can't go home because my  host children are there and want to play with me. Forget about going into the bush somewhere to be alone, being a nasara and a girl attracts way too much attention.  I have no options . . .

This suffocation is not just affecting my personal life though, it is also affecting my spiritual life. I feel like I have been squeezed and pushed until I became disconnected from God. At first, I didn't understand why. I was doing the same things I always do (give or take a few things). It wasn't until I was having devotion that I realized what my problem was. 

I started reading the book of Exodus, which has been quite boring. (Sorry, I have to be honest here).  I had hoped to find a blessing while reading the details God required for the Sanctuary, but I was wrong. I don't know if it was because I was already disconnected, but I was really having a hard time continuing to read the Bible. 

One night I read Exodus 31. It was about how God specifically chose the craftsman for the work He described, and it also spoke a little about the Sabbath. This chapter wasn't as hard to read as past chapters, and things began to hit home. 

Exodus 31:12-17 talks about the Sabbath in a more detailed way than the 10 Commandments. The Sabbath had two purposes: a time to rest and a time to remember the work God has done in your life. We need rest. Without time off from the bustle of life, things begin to lose meaning. Here God is reminding us that without Sabbath we will forget the purpose for all our activities and lose the balance crucial for a faithful life.

There's the answer to all my problems. I haven't been treating Sabbath correctly.  Yes, I rest on Sabbath physically, but I don't rest mentally.  I am all over the place. Like I said before, "I feel like you can never catch up in Tchad. You are always trying and always failing." I have been trying so hard to catch up mentally that I haven't rested, even for the Sabbath. 

Although I made this discovery, I still feel really suffocated and disconnected from God.  I have been praying that God would give me the air I desperately need to breath and structure an even stronger connection with Him. However, my discovery and prayers have been partnered with new struggles. 

After 4 months without it, I finally got malaria. I feel miserable.  I have severe body aches, tenderness, chills, fever, lethargy, and a pounding headache. The body aches and tenderness are so bad that even my clothes are hurting me. It doesn't help that I also have the chills. I put on a jacket and cover myself with a huge blanket just to stay warm.  I have almost slept for 2 days straight and have little to no appetite. Unfortunately, that's just how malaria goes. I don't know how bad the effects of quinine will be . . . let's not talk about that right now. It is too overwhelming. (Sorry I am typing in a malarial state so I apologize for this poorly written blog post).

The torture malaria brings makes my suffocation seem 300 times worse. All I want is a little room to myself where I can breathe. Typically, I love people and can be really talkative, but I never realized how much I valued my "me" time. I miss my "me" time and don't know how to get it back.  Please continue to pray for me.  I don't want to go off on one of the SM's or even worse, one of the missionaries. Things could get a little touchy if I exploded. Once you say things you can't take them back. Also, pray for my  health and relationship with God. 

Scrubbing up

Today in the OR I was able to see nine surgeries and scrub up for two of them.  One was a prostate and the other was an ovarian fiber. It as pretty cool. They almost let me do the subcutaneous suture, but we were pressed for time. Next time I get to do it though. 

The other crazy things I saw in the OR was a guy with a forgein body in his eye.  We had to do a blind sweep under his upper eyelid.  We saw what looked like a twig and pulled at it.  There was a whole grain of rice stuck in his eye. The sheath was still on it and stuck to his eyelid.  No wonder he was in a buunch of pain. 

There was another man who stepped on a thorn and his whole foot got infected.  His skin was sluffin goff and the wound looked like cottage cheese.  We scrapped the cheese substance off the wound and tried to stimulate bleeding, so he won't lose his leg. 

There was a woman that came in for a uterian scrub.  She had a mass in her uterus from the miscarriage she had 9 months ago. It was disgusting. The mass had decayed in her body leaving a slimy pudding-like bloody pus in her uterus. 

And last but not least there was a guy with a distended stomach. The operation was mainly exploratory. If they found something that needed immediate attention then they would address that right then and there. As soon as they made the cut to open the stomach all this free gas came rushing out. It was like poking a hole in a balloon. Looking in his abdomen proved he had a vast amount of perforations (he had holes in his gastrointestional tract) and sever cancer. There was a possibility that he would die on the table as well. Dr. Bland and Danae worked long and hard to clear out the dead tissue and the cancerous masses. Feces were everywhere! Poop was oozing out of every hole in his body. In the end the doctors had to take out his colon and most of his large intestine because it was riddled with perforations and cancer. The man will have troubles with water retention, but at least he didn't die on the table. Also, he might die of sepsis because of the feceses. We will see what happens. 

Charis

Please pray for Charis.  Yesterday, Zach told me that she was sick with giardia, she needed an IV, and that I was in charge of watching over her. I didn't realize she was that sick. Charis has had giardia before, so I wasn't worried when I first heard she had giardia again. I was planning on checking on her after I finished studying, but Zach made it to me first.

As soon as I got to her room I realized how bad she really was. Charis had woken up at 4am and started vomiting; in fact, fluids were coming out of both ends every hour. It was 1pm by the time I came over to take her to the hospital. At that point she had nothing left to vomit and could hardly walk. (She had violent dry heaves that would rack her body. All she could do was lay in the fetal position and pray it would pass quickly). I almost had to run to urgence for a stretcher multiple times on the way to the hospital. 

We eventually made it to the OR where Olen had a bed and IVs ready for her. He hooked her up and checked her vitals. She had a 147 pulse! She was severely dehydrated. Olen piled on the meds; some to make her sleep, and some to prevent nausea and vomiting. Olen stayed with me to make sure everything went smoothly and Dr. Bland popped in every once in a while. 

In spite of the drugs Charis was still vomiting. Olen was impressed that she could still wake up to vomit. She was maxed out on most medications, so we just had to wait it out. As we waited, Olen did research on medications, while I watched her IV. He wanted to know what other medications he could give her if he needed too. He didn't want the medications to counteract or react badly to each other. After 11 lactate ringers, four Metro IVs, seven hours of waiting, and many drugs we were able to walk her home. I spent the night at her house helping her when she vomited or needed to use the bathroom. 

Currently, Charis is doing a bit better. She is exhausted from being in a drug-induced state for over 12 hours, however, she hasn't thrown up in the past eight hours. She is able to walk slowly on her own, but isn't well enough to be left alone. (I'm actually sitting at her bedside writing this).

Continue to keep Charis in your prayers while she is fighting the toxins out of her body. She needs strength and stamina to keep going strong. Hopefully, she can eat some solid foods today and keep them down.

Bon Année

We had a simple celebration for Bon Année. At first the Bere boys, the Parkers, SMs and I were going to go camping. To bad our plan fell through. We had a bonfire and spent the night outside on the compound instead. It was fun. We roasted hotdogs, made (veggie) pigs-in-a-blanket, and roasted some marshmallows. We talked and look at the stars, while the rhythmic beats from the church's drums massaged our ears. The drums beat all night long...