The struggles, suffering, and strife continue in my life. I have had many good moments, such as Zach and Danae's birthday parties, or times that have positively impacted my life; like meeting a guy who survived the vicious war 30 years ago in Tchad AND leoparsy. But, for the most part, I feel like my fire for God has greatly diminished. Typically I have a lot to say about God or life in general. However, currently I struggle to find the right words to say. I usually struggle writing blogs and now I can't think of topics to write about on top of not wanting to write.
Things have taken place at home (in America), which I had no power to prevent, but I wasn't able to be there for my family either. I know they don't hold it against me but . . . sigh . . . I don't even know where I am going with this. Let's be real, this isn't even the point of this blog. I have been trying not to dwell on the negatives. As Ellen G. White says, "In this world we might become hopelessly perplexed, as the devil wants us to be, if we keep looking upon those things that are perplexing; for by dwelling upon them, and talking of them, we become discouraged." Therefore, I'm not going to blog about the many things that have been perplexing me.
The point of this blog is to ask a question. How can you tell you are on the path God wants you to be on and are therefore being attacked by Satan, or if you are completely off track and the hardships you face are the repercussions of your bad choice(s)? Between Tammy's questions due to her struggles and my personal strife this seems to be the underlying problem. We don't know which path we are on.
I realize you have to know God's will to truly know the answer to that question. That is easier said then done. I read Paster Rich's devotional this past week based on Romans 12. If we follow the guidelines in that chapter we will be more like Christ and therefore know His will. It is like a checklist with around 30 points that need to be checked off.
I feel like I have been trying to do that. I have even made progress, however, I haven't check off the whole list yet. So, what do you do before you get to the point where you know God's will? Prayer and fasting? Even after diligent prayer I'm unsure of His will.
I know this is a depressing blog, but I can't find the answer that I am looking for. Let's be real, I need all the help I can get. I have tried many things and feel I have found a piece of the answer. But I want to know the whole answer. All I know is the place God calls us to is the place where your deep gladness and the world's deep hunger meet. I just need to keep striving for my goals, and the answers I desperately need. Patient continuance is indispensable to success. These are the only thoughts that keep me going. If you have better thoughts or answers please comment or email me.
Dear Shannice,
ReplyDeleteI AM PRAYING TODAY that God will show you a sign that you are living in His will. I don't think it's wrong to ask for a sign; there are plenty of people in the Bible who did so when they felt clueless or found themselves in the pit of the valley, where you are. You are not alone. I am also praying for healing.
Love and miss you,
-- Ani
You may never know. For certain. And your path may take turns that are completely unexpected and completely alien to you. Joseph comes to mind. Do you really think as he was bound and led to Egypt, having been sold by his own brothers, that he was thinking, "Oh yeah, this is the path that God wants me on. Okay, cool. I'll just sing Kum-by-yah for the slavemasters." WE know it was exactly the path he needed to be on for God to mold him for greatness. I sincerely doubt you could have convinced him of that at the time. Or what about Haaman's slave girl. When she was being viciously dragged away from her family, she wasn't really thinking, "Yippee - I'm on God's path!" But we know now that she was. No, that doesn't mean that 'God's Path' is designed to be filled with despairing moments. Those are Satan's doing. And our path is a battle every step of the way. For we fight principalities. WE fight. We are not spectators here. We are fighters. Warriors. George Mueller thought God wanted him to be a preacher. Instead, he saw a need and was led in his heart to care for 6 orphans that eventually swelled to over 2000. Just at a time when orphans were no more than rats in the streets, Jesus led His man George to save as many as possible. George had no idea that that was his work. Moses didn't know what his work was until he was 80 years old. We consider the Men of God and we realize that they didn't know either: Abraham, Joseph, Moses, Noah, George, Jim Elliott, and so many others. All of their plans were derailed at some point. But, like King David, they kept coming back to God. "Here am I, Lord" And like little Samuel, they were ready to do whatever the Holy Spirit prompted them to do. Even when they didn't understand. Even when they didn't know the end from the beginning. Some died not knowing. But, they died saying as EGW did, "I know who I have served." Oh, to KNOW who we serve. That must be our only desire. The doing of deeds will fall into place. We'll be in the right place at the right time to do God's work. We'll listen to his voice because we KNOW the voice of our Shepard. Whether we participate in ruling a kingdom as did Joseph and Daniel, or when we relieve the pain of a man with an abscessed tooth as you do, we are doing the work of Jesus. Today, and every day, as you minister to the people around you, you, Shannice, are living and caring and sharing the God of the Universe. Stop looking for what you think you are supposed to do tomorrow, because today you are already doing what Jesus asked you to do. And that, is all he asks.
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