My Week of Torture

Now the doctors aren't sure if I have malaria or another parasite. Let me start from the beginning of my sickness to explain. It all started with me being really cold and a little achy. Two hours later I had severe body aches, tenderness, chills, a headache, and was very fatigued. 

It was miserable. I just laid in my hammock trying to sleep it off, but I knew it was malaria. I finally got the energy up to go get tested. The results were negative! So, I texted Olen and asked him what other sickness causes you to have those symptoms.

I was told that only malaria has that cocktail of misery and was prescribed quinine. I took the pills that afternoon and hoped for the best.  By 7:30 pm my stomach was churning. I went to my hut early because I wanted to sleep off the sickness. 

At 10 pm I woke with a start. I had to use the squat pot (restroom) very badly. Upon arrival it was like Niagara Falls was coming out of my butt! After that fiasco I was able to go back to sleep. To bad 30 minutes later I was running to the squat pot again. I was running back and forth until 12:30 am. By the end of the water works I couldn't walk straight. I collapsed on my bed and slept the rest of the night. 

By morning I felt like I had the weight of the world on my shoulders and no appetite. I ate enough to take quinine and barely made it through the day. This night was the same as the last. I was running sprints to the bathroom. All I wanted to do was lay down next to the squat pot. Don't worry I didn't lay on the floor. I was cognitive enough to think of the many other disease I could get from the ground. I laid on the floor in my hut and prayed that God would stop the mudslides. 

I felt even worse in the morning. I didn't even have enough energy to get into the hammock. I laid on a hard wooden bench and texted Olen. I asked him if waterfalls gushing out of your butt was a normal side effect of quinine. He told me that it was probably amoebas or some other parasite making my life miserable. He told me to poop on a mango leaf and bring it to the lab. He would get the results and let me know what I had. 

I had the leaf sitting next to the toilet ready for action, but it never got the action it deserved. It withered and died because I had performance anxiety . . . or so I thought. Instead of having severe diarrhea I was extremely constipated. 

I don't understand how it happened. I wasn't eating, so I shouldn't have had anything to poop out, right? Well, I was constipated for three days until things normalized. I explained to Olen why I didn't take the test and he was baffled too. He said that the diarrhea would probably come back and I could get tested then. 

In the end I had two torturous nights of diarrhea, three days of constipation, I went seven days without eating (or eating very little), and suffered seven days with the side effects of quinine. My ears were ringing, I was nauseous . . . I had every single side effect possible.  To make matters worse we had 55 nasaras visiting the hospital. Maranatha came to build the nursing school and then Adventist Health Institute (AHI) and other people came for the "cutting of the ribbon". 

That meant even though I was sick I had to help set up and clean for the nasaras, and I had to deal with the loud noises of the crowd in my ringing ears. The most important people in Bere came to the party too, which meant I had to deal with my molester and other really annoying government officials. I chose the best and the worst week to get sick. I got out of a lot of work, but had to do and deal with a lot of things that wouldn't have annoyed me if I was well. 

Anyway, I had a torturous week both mentally and physically. However, the week did end on a good note. I got the Christmas package from Union! It was full of letters and wonderful gifts that cheered me up. Vernee even decorated the box for me. That made my week so much better. Thanks guys!

Suffocated

***WARNING***: This blog post is mostly filled with my complaints. I have been having a hard time lately and need to vent. The twig has finally broken the camel's back. There is a spiritual hint to it and a short update on my health, but truthfully I am releasing all of my feeling into this blog post. It is better to let it out then keep it in, right?

I know I blogged earlier about being unable to get away. There are people everywhere. I never seem to get my much needed alone time.  Well, now there is a new SM here named Jonny.  He is a really nice guy, but now, the SM hut seems to have significantly shrunk. Because their houses are so far away, all the guys have most of their stuff in the SM hut. This is understandable, however, this one-roomed hut can only hold so much "stuff" before it becomes too much.

I have tried to leave anything and everything I can at my hut. My backpack, jacket, and towel are my only possessions in the SM hut; I hardly take up space. (Ok, I do have a box of food there too, but we use the box as a chair. Since it is used as furniture, I didn't count among the stuff of "mine" that is taking up space).

Between the lack of space and the excess of testosterone I am at my wit's end. I am use to hanging out with a bunch of guys, but at the end of the day I usually return to a building full of girls (the dorm). Even in that building full of girls, I am still able to have my alone time. Yes, here I am accepted and treated like one of the guys, but I'm still a girl! Ok, true, I'm not the most girly-girl around, however, I miss doing and talking about girl things. (I never thought I would admit something like that).

Maybe I wouldn't miss girly things so much if I had time to be a girl by myself. I am being suffocated. I can't go to the SM hut because all the SM's are there. I can't go to the pavilion because the worker's children are there. I can't go home because my  host children are there and want to play with me. Forget about going into the bush somewhere to be alone, being a nasara and a girl attracts way too much attention.  I have no options . . .

This suffocation is not just affecting my personal life though, it is also affecting my spiritual life. I feel like I have been squeezed and pushed until I became disconnected from God. At first, I didn't understand why. I was doing the same things I always do (give or take a few things). It wasn't until I was having devotion that I realized what my problem was. 

I started reading the book of Exodus, which has been quite boring. (Sorry, I have to be honest here).  I had hoped to find a blessing while reading the details God required for the Sanctuary, but I was wrong. I don't know if it was because I was already disconnected, but I was really having a hard time continuing to read the Bible. 

One night I read Exodus 31. It was about how God specifically chose the craftsman for the work He described, and it also spoke a little about the Sabbath. This chapter wasn't as hard to read as past chapters, and things began to hit home. 

Exodus 31:12-17 talks about the Sabbath in a more detailed way than the 10 Commandments. The Sabbath had two purposes: a time to rest and a time to remember the work God has done in your life. We need rest. Without time off from the bustle of life, things begin to lose meaning. Here God is reminding us that without Sabbath we will forget the purpose for all our activities and lose the balance crucial for a faithful life.

There's the answer to all my problems. I haven't been treating Sabbath correctly.  Yes, I rest on Sabbath physically, but I don't rest mentally.  I am all over the place. Like I said before, "I feel like you can never catch up in Tchad. You are always trying and always failing." I have been trying so hard to catch up mentally that I haven't rested, even for the Sabbath. 

Although I made this discovery, I still feel really suffocated and disconnected from God.  I have been praying that God would give me the air I desperately need to breath and structure an even stronger connection with Him. However, my discovery and prayers have been partnered with new struggles. 

After 4 months without it, I finally got malaria. I feel miserable.  I have severe body aches, tenderness, chills, fever, lethargy, and a pounding headache. The body aches and tenderness are so bad that even my clothes are hurting me. It doesn't help that I also have the chills. I put on a jacket and cover myself with a huge blanket just to stay warm.  I have almost slept for 2 days straight and have little to no appetite. Unfortunately, that's just how malaria goes. I don't know how bad the effects of quinine will be . . . let's not talk about that right now. It is too overwhelming. (Sorry I am typing in a malarial state so I apologize for this poorly written blog post).

The torture malaria brings makes my suffocation seem 300 times worse. All I want is a little room to myself where I can breathe. Typically, I love people and can be really talkative, but I never realized how much I valued my "me" time. I miss my "me" time and don't know how to get it back.  Please continue to pray for me.  I don't want to go off on one of the SM's or even worse, one of the missionaries. Things could get a little touchy if I exploded. Once you say things you can't take them back. Also, pray for my  health and relationship with God. 

Scrubbing up

Today in the OR I was able to see nine surgeries and scrub up for two of them.  One was a prostate and the other was an ovarian fiber. It as pretty cool. They almost let me do the subcutaneous suture, but we were pressed for time. Next time I get to do it though. 

The other crazy things I saw in the OR was a guy with a forgein body in his eye.  We had to do a blind sweep under his upper eyelid.  We saw what looked like a twig and pulled at it.  There was a whole grain of rice stuck in his eye. The sheath was still on it and stuck to his eyelid.  No wonder he was in a buunch of pain. 

There was another man who stepped on a thorn and his whole foot got infected.  His skin was sluffin goff and the wound looked like cottage cheese.  We scrapped the cheese substance off the wound and tried to stimulate bleeding, so he won't lose his leg. 

There was a woman that came in for a uterian scrub.  She had a mass in her uterus from the miscarriage she had 9 months ago. It was disgusting. The mass had decayed in her body leaving a slimy pudding-like bloody pus in her uterus. 

And last but not least there was a guy with a distended stomach. The operation was mainly exploratory. If they found something that needed immediate attention then they would address that right then and there. As soon as they made the cut to open the stomach all this free gas came rushing out. It was like poking a hole in a balloon. Looking in his abdomen proved he had a vast amount of perforations (he had holes in his gastrointestional tract) and sever cancer. There was a possibility that he would die on the table as well. Dr. Bland and Danae worked long and hard to clear out the dead tissue and the cancerous masses. Feces were everywhere! Poop was oozing out of every hole in his body. In the end the doctors had to take out his colon and most of his large intestine because it was riddled with perforations and cancer. The man will have troubles with water retention, but at least he didn't die on the table. Also, he might die of sepsis because of the feceses. We will see what happens. 

Charis

Please pray for Charis.  Yesterday, Zach told me that she was sick with giardia, she needed an IV, and that I was in charge of watching over her. I didn't realize she was that sick. Charis has had giardia before, so I wasn't worried when I first heard she had giardia again. I was planning on checking on her after I finished studying, but Zach made it to me first.

As soon as I got to her room I realized how bad she really was. Charis had woken up at 4am and started vomiting; in fact, fluids were coming out of both ends every hour. It was 1pm by the time I came over to take her to the hospital. At that point she had nothing left to vomit and could hardly walk. (She had violent dry heaves that would rack her body. All she could do was lay in the fetal position and pray it would pass quickly). I almost had to run to urgence for a stretcher multiple times on the way to the hospital. 

We eventually made it to the OR where Olen had a bed and IVs ready for her. He hooked her up and checked her vitals. She had a 147 pulse! She was severely dehydrated. Olen piled on the meds; some to make her sleep, and some to prevent nausea and vomiting. Olen stayed with me to make sure everything went smoothly and Dr. Bland popped in every once in a while. 

In spite of the drugs Charis was still vomiting. Olen was impressed that she could still wake up to vomit. She was maxed out on most medications, so we just had to wait it out. As we waited, Olen did research on medications, while I watched her IV. He wanted to know what other medications he could give her if he needed too. He didn't want the medications to counteract or react badly to each other. After 11 lactate ringers, four Metro IVs, seven hours of waiting, and many drugs we were able to walk her home. I spent the night at her house helping her when she vomited or needed to use the bathroom. 

Currently, Charis is doing a bit better. She is exhausted from being in a drug-induced state for over 12 hours, however, she hasn't thrown up in the past eight hours. She is able to walk slowly on her own, but isn't well enough to be left alone. (I'm actually sitting at her bedside writing this).

Continue to keep Charis in your prayers while she is fighting the toxins out of her body. She needs strength and stamina to keep going strong. Hopefully, she can eat some solid foods today and keep them down.

Bon Année

We had a simple celebration for Bon Année. At first the Bere boys, the Parkers, SMs and I were going to go camping. To bad our plan fell through. We had a bonfire and spent the night outside on the compound instead. It was fun. We roasted hotdogs, made (veggie) pigs-in-a-blanket, and roasted some marshmallows. We talked and look at the stars, while the rhythmic beats from the church's drums massaged our ears. The drums beat all night long...