When I decided I wanted to take a year off to SM I had distinct plans. They weren't too specific, but they were plans nonetheless. I wanted to know, without a shadow of doubt, that I wanted to dedicate my whole life to be a missionary. I knew I would continue to go on mission trips regardless. However, I wanted to make sure I was on the right career path to reach my goals.
My second plan for the trip was doing something medical related. Most of the calls for SMs were to teach English. I didn't want to teach english. I could never see myself teaching, especially English. My English skills are not up to par. I felt like I would be cheating the kids if I were to teach them English.
Lastly, I wanted to learn more about myself and God. I am a planner. I try to make broad plans to leave room for change. However, they are always more specific than need be. For example, I want to be a missionary doctor and start my own lifestyle center/hospital. My plans should have stopped there, but they didn't. My plans became so complex I realize that I wouldn't have room for a family of my own, or even a husband. Honestly, I didn't mind the thought. I already had other reasons for not wanting to get married, so I incorporated that aspect into my plans. I would firmly declared I didn't want to get married as if God Himself had told me so.
Those were my goals/rules. I have accomplished some and failed at others, but all have worked out for the best. I now know I can be a missionary for the rest of my life, if God should allow. Mission accomplished.
In regards to the medical guidelines, it is still a work in progress. I have blogged a little about my lack of medical exposure. I accepted it and moved on. At least I was doing public health work and could observe surgeries from time to time. Teaching public health has actually been a lot of fun. There have been many funny moments, which I plan to blog about later.
Remeber how I stated I really didn't want to teach English? Well, I was asked to teach English and I said yes. Both Josh and I are teaching first through sixth grade. Some days we teach together and other days we have to split up. Teaching has been a lot of fun too.
Basically God has been shaping and leading me. I am a major planner. I make plans and ask God to bless them for me. I leave little room for God's plans. I have realized this major flaw a while ago. I have tried really hard not to plan, but it is difficult. I found that the best solution is to pray for God to slam the door in my face. Then I will get the message loud and clear. Otherwise, I will continue to fight in every way possible trying make my plans work.
That is what God has been doing. That is how I decided to come to Tchad, and how all my plan seem to be changing. I already knew this trip would be a life changing experience, but I didn't realize to what extent. I am analyzing and reanalyzing every aspect of my life. (Even the marriage part). I have edited and deleted many things already. God has me rewriting some stuff too. Only God knows where I will be and what will happen next. I am excited to find out what his plans are for my life.
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